The White Family – A Highlands Institution
“They made us cherish what Highlands was all about,” said Tommy White, one of the three children of the late Barbara White whose life was celebrated and honored along with her brother-in-law, Richie White at a cremains release ceremony and family and friends get together Friday.
Barbara, the widow of the late former Mayor James T. White, died Feb.. 10, two weeks after her brother-in-law, Richie, who had died Jan. 26.
The family agreed their memorials should be celebrated together when the family could get together in their beloved Highlands.
In a formal and grieving ceremony in the late morning, family members who had come from Florida, New York, Pennsylvania and Washington joined close friends and gathered on the dock off Shrewsbury Avenue near where the Whites lived, to say some final prayers and join together in placing the cremains of Barbara and Richie in the Shrewsbury River, where the tide brought them back close to Highlands. They prayed, they said farewells, they took photos, and they smiled, knowing they were doing just what their mother and uncle wanted.
Later in the day, the White family hosted a festive afternoon and dinner at the VFW Post home to give the dozens who gathered there the opportunity to share some of their fondest memories of two people who had both given so much to the Highlands they loved.
The memories were of a Highlands where the kids jumped off the bridge, Andy’s Shore Bar was a favorite stopping place for a cup of coffee for Richie, and where Barbara White volunteered so much for the Democrat party they finally gave her a paying job!
Richie’s sister, Jacki, recalled how her brother was part of Beacon at Fort Monmouth, and where “he knew everyone and everyone loved him.” So much so, she explained,, there was a special bus trip after his death to Monmouth Park to relive some of the memories he had created.
Barbara’s sons-in-law told stories about how they loved their mother-in-law “because she always smiled,” but added they agreed “she always had the last word.” Tom’s wife Wendy said how it was comforting to always know “you never had to question how much you were loved.”
Maggie, one of Barbara’s grandchildren, spoke of the closeness she felt to her MomMom and how much they both loved each other.
Each of Barbara’s three children, Cathy Murphy, Tom and Billy, who still works at the James T. White Clam plant in Highlands named for his father who was primarily responsible for its existence, gave details of special mostly joyful moments of their lives centering on their mother; all spoke on the goodness of Uncle Richie, better known by his middle name than his official Michael Richard White.
“She always made sure we knew who we were,” Cathy said with memories and smiles. “She taught us that everybody counted, that feelings don’t count, it’s people who count.” Cathy said she is grateful for everything she learned from her mom and what she has been able to pass on to her own children. They all laughed, however, that it was always Barabara who got in the last word,, always Barbara who got what she wanted, simply because she always knew what was the right thing to do.
In addition to all those sharing memories in the VFW room, Barbara’s twin brother William T. Jones, better known as Bill, was able to join them from his home via ZOOM and wanted to talk about “the fine lady who was my sister.” His memories were of sadness at her death sprinkled with laughter and happy memories of their lives together and his personal knowledge of her as the devoted sister, wife, mother and grandmother she was. Yes, she was a fine lady, he said, “but there was another side to her that was sharp, sarcastic and “always with off the wall humor.”
In a moment of laughter that shook the room as the crowd listened to Barbara’s brother, who was 20 minutes older than his sister at birth, explained “she always had to have the last word.” Then pausing, chuckling a bit, and reminding the crowd he was speaking at his sister’s memorial service, the brother with the same kind of sense of humor as his sister said, referring to her always having the last word, “Well, Barbara, Guess what?”
The family remembering their mother and uncle included Barbara and Carlos, and Barbara’s children and their spouses all in Florida, Shaylagh and Wayne, Maggie and Kate and Brent with Kate and Brent’s first child expected in January; Tom and Wendy and their sons Hudson and Lincoln who live in Freehold, and Maggie also from Florida; Bill’s children Bill from New York, Andy from Washington, and Susie and Stephen from Pennsylvania with their children Ben and Lauren, as well as Richie’s sister, Jackie White, whom the family refers to as “the matriarch of the family.”
Both at the cremains ceremony on the Shrewsbury River, and at the reception at the VFW afterwards, a poem was read by Cathy and Bill via ZOOM. Bill explained he had found the poem, named “Barb” and written by an unknown author. But all agreed it was an apt description of the Barbara White they all knew and loved:
I am strong because I know my weakness.
I am compassionate because I too have suffered.
I am alive because I am a fighter.
I am wise because I’ve been foolish.
I can laugh because I have known sadness.
I can love because I’ve known loss.
I am a strong woman who has weathered the storm,
But still loves to dance in the rain.l
