Those of the Jewish faith celebrated Rosh Hashanah last week, their New Year and a joyful two days of celebration, family, great food and looking forward to a new year filled with blessings and health. Ten days later, tomorrow ,Jews put aside those celebrations and observe Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, and one in which Jews feel closest to God and ask forgiveness for their faults. That day, observed this year on Tuesday, is also known as the Day of Atonement. While Rosh Hashanah is actually a two day celebration, Yom Kippur is a solemn day of prayer and atonement.
In between those two days observing joy and atonement, the Jewish people reflect and repent, creating a time which makes those of other faiths realize and appreciate the depth of this religion. In reflecting and repenting, many Jews will call or write letters to friends or acquaintances of all faiths, asking forgiveness for any wrongs, hurts, or failures to help they may have committed, intentionally or not, throughout the year. It’s a practice everyone should observe at some time in their lifetime.
But the Jewish people are also people of great laughter and joy ,as has been evidenced by some of the best comedians we have ever known. Think of Red Buttons, Joey Bishop, Jack Benny, Rodney Dangerfield, Sid Caesr, Buddy Hackett, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, All King, George Jessel, Mel Brooks and Don Rickles, to name a few. Each of these was a headliner in keeping people laughing and appreciating a good joke, even if it was about themselves.
And what is probably a big shock to many of today’s comedians, they could do it all with a humor that made you think, that made fun of themselves and their spouses, and so many one-liners that made you stop and think but always laugh. Here is a small sampling of things that can make you laugh and appreciate Jewish humor. And also notice…..they didn’t use a single swear work to keep their listeners in high humor.
A belated Rash Hashanah to many Jewish friends and my prayers and thanks to you for friendship and understanding as you observe Yom Kippur.
May we all always laugh with the great comedians who brought us these: (and they really loved their wives and their doctors, in spite of their one liners!)
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love?
“Honey, I’m home!”
* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”
* Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I am 60!” Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”
* Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.” Doctor: “Don’t answer it!”
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
*There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
A man called his mother in Florida, “Mom, how are you?” “Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak. “The son said, “Why are you so weak?” She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days. “The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?” The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, “What part is it?” The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.” The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
“Force yourself,” she replied.
Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.
